Tom
by Sivillian
Summary: Why do she-cats get their own troll-fics? They are always gettin' all the toms and special training. Why not have a gary-stu? This is Handsomekit's story. He is very handsome. He is a gary-stu tom. Warning: Very, very gary-stuish... And rated T because all the mary-sue fics are...
1. The Prophecy

**Chapter One of a very, very Gary-stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

The five starry cats stared into the misty pool. A blue-gray she-cat looked into its depths. Flashes of dark imagines swirled in the water's pool. She looked up at the other warriors. "I have seen a prophecy."

"As have I." A bracken-colored tom nodded, his green eyes darting up and then back down to the calm pool.

"Yes, I see it, too." A massive white tom with huge jet-black paws meowed in a gruff voice.

"There is no mistaking it." A stony gray tom with brown flecks agreed.

The last cat, a small silver-gray tabby with soft white underfur and deep green eyes, looked at each cat in turn. "I... I see it, too, and it may change the Clans forever."

More and more cats padded into the hollow. They came to hear the prophecy.

"Well, Bluestar, would you like to do the honors?" The former WindClan medicine cat meowed impatiently.

The blue-gray leader sat up straight, flicking her blue eyes at each cat. With one more glance at the scene appearing in the pool, she spoke clearly, her voice ringing through the hollow. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of its scars."

"You should pass this on to Firestar. He will need to hear of this." One of the star-pelted cats suggested.

"Yes, of course." Bluestar padded out of the stony hollow, leaving the other four cats by the pool.


	2. Handsomekit is Born!

**Chapter Two of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"He's beautiful." A dark brown tabby said, eyeing his son, feeling jealous of his handsome pelt.

"He's handsome." The dark ginger queen purred, licking her new kit clean.

They laid down by the newborn tom in the nursery, admiring his golden pelt and blue paws and ear-tips. The other queens and kits gathered around trying catch a glimpse of the young tom. They couldn't stay away from him.

"What shall we name him?" The father asked, sniffing his son.

The ginger queen was purring, staring at her son, not even listening to her mate. "Hmmm... Oh! Wha? How about Handsomekit?"

"That's perfect!" A white-and-ginger she-cat with one eye yowled excitedly.

"He's so handsome..." A she-kit sighed.

"I wish I could be him!" Another tom wailed.

Suddenly, the flame-colored ThunderClan leader stepped into the nursery. "Brambleclaw, I must speak to you." He beckoned his deputy with his tail.

Brambleclaw silenced a hiss and padded out of the bramble den. He and his leader climbed up to the Highledge where they could speak privately.

"I recieved a prophecy about Handsomekit, your son." The ginger tom whispered, green eyes dark.

The deputy held in a gasp. Why didn't he get another prophecy? "Well, what is it, Firestar?"

Firestar leaned into Brambleclaw's ear. "A tom of golden fur and bright glowing eyes will bring the Clans together and clean the forest of its scars."

"It's obviously about him." The dark brown tabby nodded in thought. "But what does it mean?"

"I'm not sure. I recieved it in a dream last night. Bluestar delivered it."

"Firestar!" A ginger warrior yowled, getting his attention. "Come down here!"

Brambleclaw scurried off back to the nursery. Firestar leapt down to his mate. "What is it?"

"I'm... I'm pregnant!" She mewed happily, leafy green eyes glittering.

"That's great, Sandstorm!" He licked her forehead.

But she suddenly began to cry, tears dripping like a river. Firestar glanced around. None of the other cats saw. He led her up into his den and helped her into his nest.

"Are you okay?" Firestar asked, hoping it was just that mood-swing thing like when she was carrying Leafpool and Squirrelflight.

"Yes, it's just... they're not yours." Sandstorm admitted, unable to look him in the eye. She trembled and took on to another fit of sobs.

Firestar shook his head. Dustpelt had finally stolen her. He knew this would come. He should have exiled that tabby long ago.

"No, not Dustpelt," the ginger whimpered through cries, like reading his mind. "The father is Handsomekit."


	3. Ferncloud has More Kits

**Chapter Three of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"Come on, Lilykit!" The golden-and-blue tom meowed.

He led the other kits out of the nursery. Though he was only a half-moon old, they respected him and did everything he told them to. Lilykit stumbled out after him. Handsomekit had planned to only take Lilykit out to play, but the other kits and the queens followed him as well.

As he came out of the den, the sun hit his pelt casting a shiny sheen. It reflected and scattered bright spots on the earth, like when light hits something shiny just right. His cyan eyes were glowing like the sun itself in the broad light of day.

All of the ThunderClan cats poured out of their dens and returned from patrols. They stared wide-eyed and hypnotized.

"He's so handsome..." Whitewing sighed, leaning against Birchfall.

"He isn't that good looking I bet." Jayfeather meowed bitterly, glaring at the tom with his blind eyes.

"I wish he was _my _mate!" Dovewing wailed.

"I bet he's stronger than Lionblaze." Cinderheart whispered dreamily.

Handsomekit puffed out his chest. He loved the attention of his Clanmates. He strutted across camp, casting a glance at Firestar. The ginger tom bent his head down in respect as the kit passed by.

"Hello, Sandstorm." Handsomekit meowed, padding up to the light ginger.

"H-hello, Handsomekit!" She stuttered, nuzzling his cheek.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, feeling the stares of his jealous Clanmates on his pelt with happiness. "How are our kits?"

"They're good! They're fine. I'm fine. I'm... I'm great with you as my mate."

"Yeah, you're lucky." The golden-blue tom flicked his tail.

He turned away from Sandstorm and went back to the nursery. He needed his beauty rest. Squirrelflight helped him into the soft feathery nest.

"Oh, my son." She mewed. "I'm so proud I'm your mother."

"Me too." He replied plainly, curling up in a ball. He watched his mother stare at him with his glowing cyan eyes.

"If Brambleclaw hadn't promised me to give him eternal love and in return I'd be deputy when Firestar croaks, I would hope you'd choose me as your mate instead of my mother."

"You talk too much." Handsomekit yawned.

He closed his eyes and snuggled into the nest. Finally, sleep washed over him. And then, suddenly, a she-cat burst into the nursery, breaking the walls with her huge belly. Bits of bramble flew and hit Squirrelflight in the eye, causing her to back-flip and disappear to somewhere else

"I'm having my kits!" She yowled.

Jayfeather rolled his blind eyes, padding in from behind the gray dappled queen. "Like that's new news."

Ferncloud hobbled over to her worn out nest, getting ready to kit. "Handsomekit! It hurts. Will you hold my paw?"

"No! I'm taking a nap." The young tom hissed.

"But Dustpelt broke up with me and was exiled too. You're the father; can't you just hold my paw?" She cried.

"No."

After awhile, Ferncloud had twenty-six newborn kits. Jayfeather had run out of herbs so he left the freshly-kitted queen alone with the newborns. She had to name them all by herself because Handsomekit didn't want to wake back up to name his own children.

"Fernkit, Cloudkit, Dustkit, Peltkit, Sandkit, Stormkit, Ravenkit, Wingkit, Brindlekit, Facekit, Ashkit, Furkit, Whitekit, another Stormkit, Tailkit, Larkkit, Hollykit, Icekit, Spiderkit, Legkit, Birchkit, Fallkit, Shrewkit, Foxkit, and Leapkit." She meowed, pointing a delicate paw at each one in turn, though no cat in ThunderClan cared enough to listen.

* * *

_A/N: Meheheh... I don't care about time-lines at all and all that other stuff just so you know, but feel free to do that flaming thing. This is a troll-ish-fic, yeah? Isn't Handsomekit so handsome? _:3


	4. Bluestar is Reincarnated

**Chapter Four of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomekit woke up at dawn to the sound of yowling and painful shrieks. Sandstorm was finally kitting! He picked his way through the twenty-six newborn kits that were sprawled over the floor of the nursery. He finally made it to the other end of the den without waking a single one of Ferncloud's many, many kits.

Jayfeather had replenished his stock of herbs and was treating Sandstorm as she kitted. Firestar sat at the entrance of the den with Brambleclaw, both toms glaring at the young tom. Firestar glared at Handsomekit because he had stolen his mate. Brambleclaw was glaring at his son because he was much better looking than him.

Sandstorm and Handsomekit held paws, though the tom kind of tried to struggle out of her grasp. Her paw was so sweaty! He would have to groom himself for a whole day to get that icky sweat from his beautiful blue paw.

"Owwww!" The ginger yowled.

"Shut up." Jayfeather and Handsomekit muttered in unison.

Handsomekit got bored of sitting there so he pulled away his paw and padded back to his own nest where Squirrelflight was sleeping. He hopped in and buried his head under her fur to drown out his grandmother's screams.

...

"You have two healthy she-kits." Jayfeather reported before leaving the nursery.

Handsomekit got out of the nest and trudged through the sea of Ferncloud's kits. Sandstorm was nuzzling the two kits. One was blue-gray and the other was a white pelted she-kit with gray ears and paws and tail-tip.

"Let's name them Bluekit and Snowkit." Sandstorm suggested, purring as her mate sniffed their newborn kits.

Firestar, still at the entrance of the nursery, gasped. It was a reincarnation of Bluestar! And her sister Snowfur! Finally, the most important ThunderClan leader (and her sister) were brought back to life! From StarClan back to ThunderClan.

But then the ginger tom remembered that Sandstorm had cheated on him. So Firestar stalked over to the pair and their new litter, stepping on Ferncloud's kits along the way. Sandstorm wrapped her tail protectively around her reincarnated-kits.

Firestar raised a paw and swiped at the new kits. The flame-colored ginger hissed. Handsomekit sighed. Sandstorm wailed.

After seasons and seasons of Bluestar and Snowfur waiting to find the perfect time to be reincarnated, they were killed at the age of five minutes. Firestar was seething, his green eyes burning in hatred. He had Bluekit's and Snowkit's blood on his paws.

"Well, that's done." Firestar sighed happily, content that he ruined his ex-mate's life.

Sandstorm had another river of tears streaming from her face. "But... but you killed my kits..."

"I killed _his _kits." He pointed his paw at the golden-blue tom.

"Seriously? You just killed Bluestar and Snowfur practically." Handsomekit raised his brow whiskers, somehow knowing who the kits really were.

"Whaaaat?" Firestar finally remembered that those kits weren't just regular ol' kits. "NOOO!"


	5. Battle Won

**Chapter Five of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomekit wasn't too upset about the death of two of his twenty-eight children. Sure, they were reincarnations of two very important cats, but whatever. Firestar was exiled from the Clan by his father, Brambleclaw, who became a newly named Bramblestar.

Squirrelflight became the new deputy which was pretty awesome.

"Handsomekit... You're so handsome." His mother meowed dreamily.

"Um, is that all?" The golden-blue kit asked, flicking his tail impatiently.

"Huh?" The dark ginger deputy blinked her green eyes. "I have to go organize patrols. I'll be back later, okay? Don't get any more queens preggy, got it?"

"Ummm... sure thing, Mom..."

After Squirrelflight left the nursery, Handsomekit padded over to Brightheart who had Dewkit, Snowkit, and Amberkit sleeping in the crook of her leg.

"Oh, hello, Handsomekit!" The white-and-ginger squealed. "I'm honored you'd come over here. I am unworthy to be in your presence."

"Ain't that the truth." He muttered.

Handsomekit forgot was he was going to say so he padded away and left the nursery. Brightheart started having a heart attack because she was so happy that he had spoken to her. Handsomekit sighed and walked away from the nursery.

"Dad!" A chorus of mews erupted from the den. Brightheart must have accidentally woken up Ferncloud and her kits in her excitement and heart attack.

Dozens of dawdling kits ran out after him. "Aw, come on." He flattened his ears as the annoying kits ran out after him.

Handsomekit led them through the camp reluctantly since there was no ue in taking them back to Fernclouds. Their eyes were wide with curiousity as they followed their father across the stone-floored clearing. He led them through the bracken tunnel and into the forest. He padded through the woods towards the lake as if he'd been there a hundred times before.

They padded up to the shore. The lake rippled and nipped at their tiny paws. Handsomekit warned them not to go in the water. Then like half of them went in the water.

"Help us, Handsomekit!" They wailed.

"Ain't nobody got time for that." Handsomekit growled.

He sat down with the other half of the litter on the sandy shore. "Whoever hits the most wins!" One of the younger kits yowled.

They all picked up stones and chucked them at the kits who were trying to swim back to shore.

"Score!" Stormkit yowled.

"Ha ha!" Fernkit mewed. "Did you see how I threw that rock at Fallkit's head?"

"Heh, Spiderkit's going feel this!" Foxkit laughed, throwing a flat stone.

It skipped across the water a few times before hitting Spiderkit in the nose. Handsomekit and the other kits got bored of throwing rocks at their littermates so they walked along the shore even farther, leaving them still flailing in the water. He had rather enjoyed spending time with his children.

Suddenly, a patrol of ShadowClan cats led by Rowanstar burst out from the brush.

"You're invading our territory, ThunderClan!" Rowanstar mewed, sounding very much like a she-cat for some weird unexplainable reason. "You're four fox-lengths away from the lake instead of three! I will kill yooouu, Handsomekit!"

"Noooo!" Bramblestar and Squirrelflight and the rest of the ThunderClan warriors ran to Handsomekit's aid. Ferncloud's kits suddenly disappeared for no reason (to his relief).

The whole of ShadowClan and all of the ThunderClan warriors broke out into battle by the lake.

Rowanstar leapt at Handsomekit, who swerved out of the way just in time. Squirrelflight yowled as the new deputy of ShadowClan, Ferretclaw, raked his claws down her side. Handsomekit trotted to his mother, dodging flying claws and clumps of fur.

Foxleap and Oakfur tumbled past Handsomekit. Each tried to grasp the other's throat. The small brown ShadowClan tom looked up at the golden-blue kit for a moment. His amber eyes widened.

"So handsome!" He mewed before Foxleap gave him a killing bite.

Handsomekit leapt past the body and padded over to his mother who was about to be killed by the gray tom. He drew back a paw and punched Ferretclaw all the way back to his camp.

"He's stronger than me!" Lionblaze wailed before flinging of a she-cat from his shoulder.

But there was still too many ShadowClan warriors. But Handsomekit knew what to do. He stood in a patch of sunlight. His golden fur reflected the light and made the world sparkle. The ShadowClanners went blind from his awesomeness. They all fell over, covering their eyes with their paws, and shouted in cries and wails and yowls.

"He's handsome!"

"He's beautiful!"

"My eyes! He's too awesome."

Then, Ferncloud came to save the day! She and her huge belly bounced along the sandy shore then up the slope into the battle. The ThunderClan cats ran away like cockroaches.

The gray preggy queen pushed down her belly to the ground and sprang up high in the sky. She covered the sun, causing the ShadowClan cats, plus the other Clans of the lake, to shriek in fear. Ferncloud then fell down from the sky and squished the enemies into oblivion.

A few moments later hundreds of newborn kits rained from the sky. Handsomekit ran up to Ferncloud.

"You promised you would wait to kit until I got back to camp." He said, glaring at her with his shiny blue eyes.

"Kits don't wait to kit." Ferncloud looked down at her paws.

"Whatever." Handsomekit shrugged.

The ThunderClan cats began to yowl in triumph. "Handsomekit! Ferncloud! Handsomekit! Ferncloud!"

Then kits began pelting them like rain so they all had to go back to camp for cover. Jayfeather had to treat all of the head injuries they got from the kit-storm. It kept raining kits until nighttime.


	6. HANDSOMEPAW!

Chapter Six of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"

* * *

Handsomekit and Ferncloud were treated like heroes after Jayfeather had healed the injuries of their Clanmates. His father and mother were so proud. He would make a handsome leader one day. And Bramblestar knew that he was destined for greatness, for there was prophecy. A prophecy that decreed Handsomekit will change the Clans forever.

Berrynose and Poppyfrost were sharing a big plump squirrel. Handsomekit chewed on a mouse, sitting next to the pretty she-cat. Berrynose didn't notice anything. He didn't notice that Poppyfrost was getting round with kits OR that she was looking very anxious in between Berrynose and Handsomekit.

She ran off crying to the warriors' den.

"I wish I still had Honeyfern..." The older tom sighed, taking another bite of prey.

Handsomekit got an idea. Handsomekit was in love with Poppyfrost... And Berrynose didn't love Poppyfrost. He padded after the she-cat, catching beams of sun on his golden pelt.

"Hey, Poppyfrost." The handsome little tom mewed. "What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong!" She hissed, amber eyes shining with tears. "I can't believe I cheated on Berrynose!"

"Yes, you can. It was with me."

"Yeah, you're right..." Poppyfrost agreed. "But, Berrynose doesn't even love me in the first place. Now this?"

Suddenly, three toms charged full-speed at the den, bursting through the entrance, impaling Poppyfrost with bramble, causing her to become one with the bramble. One with the bramble... one with the braaaaamblllle...

Handsomekit blinked as the pretty tortoiseshell became a wooden statue. "Aw... the kits... whatever." He shrugged.

Then the golden-furred tom turned to see the three older toms. Bumblestripe, Lionblaze, and Brackenfur towered over him, growling.

"You got Dovewing pregnant!" Bumblestripe hissed.

'No I didn't.' Handsomekit said in his mind. 'I never touched Dovewing... Dang it. Tigerheart got to her before me...'

"You made out with Cinderheart behind the nursery!" Lionblaze bared his fangs in a hiss.

"You made Sorreltail break up with me! She won't even let me see Lilykit and Seedkit on weekends!" Brackenfur growled, though he looked like he was going to cry.

"All cats old enough to catch their own prey must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!" Bramblestar yowled. The three toms sneezed and padded out of the den.

Handsomekit purred in triumph. He took one last look of the bramble-statue of Poppyfrost before walking away.

The dark brown tabby waited until all of the ThunderClan cats were present. Bramblestar looked down at his son in pride/jealousy. At one moon old, the tabby leader had decided it was time for him to be apprentice. Especially since he helped defeat Rowanstar and his Clan.

"Handsomekit**, **you will be apprenticed early at the age of one moon. Though it is early, you had helped in the defeat and obliteration of ShadowClan. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Handsomepaw. Your mentor will be Lionblaze. I hope Lionblaze will pass down all he knows on to you."

Lionblaze growled but trudged towards Handsomepaw. Bramblestar began to wonder if giving his true son to his faux-son as an apprentice was a good idea. But that amber tom was just gonna have to tough it out. Bramblestar knew he was a better father to Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Hollyleaf than Crowfeather was.

Bramblestar cleared his throat and contrinued the ceremony, feeling slightly anxious that this was the first one for him. He prayed to StarClan that he wouldn't mess it up. "Lionblaze, you are ready to take on another apprentice. You had received excellent training from Aaaasshfur, and you have shown yourself to have courage and possess skill in battle. You will be the mentor of Handsomepaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to Handsomepaw."

"I will." Lionblaze muttered, glaring at the little tom.

Handsomepaw touched his blue nose to Lionblaze's brown nose.

"HANDSOMEPAW! HANDSOMEPAW!" The Clan screamed in joy.

Across the lake, RiverClan wailed in pain as ThunderClan screamed the new apprentices name. WindClan couldn't hear it luckily because the wind was already too loud to hear themselves think. ShadowClan was dead because Ferncloud squished them earlier, so, they didn't hear it either.

Handsomepaw let the the sun reflect off his pelt, making the Clan awe in wonder. He gave a boistrous laugh as Dovewing stumbled around deafly. The Clan turned around and laughed at the star-chosen cat as well.

* * *

_A/N; Handsomepaw! Handsomepaw! Poor, Poppyfrost... You sick-o, Tigerheart._

_Anyone want to do a commentary?_


	7. Goldenflower's Message

**Chapter Seven of very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

After the ceremony, Handsompaw was welcomed into the apprentices den. The Clan departed to go on patrols and to hide in the corners of the Clan to stalk Handsomepaw.

Squirrelflight watched as her son padded away. It felt like it was only a moon ago that he born. But guilt tugged at her heart. Her sister Leafpool, who had been very discreet lately, walked up to Squirrelflight.

"You okay?"The tabby asked.

"No..."

* * *

It was nighttime. Bramblestar was curled up in his nest in the cold den of the Highledge. His son had been made an apprentice earlier, and he was both proud and sad. Why was he sad? BecauseFirestar should still be leader. The brown tabby wished he had never exiled that old ginger. But then again... he did kill two kits.

Being a leader was tough. And Bramblestar questioned himself. Was Lionblaze a good choice for Handsomepaw's mentor?

Sighing, he tucked his nose in his chest fur and let the chorus of crickets and snoring lull him to sleep.

...

"Bramblestar!" A golden tabby yowled in his ear.

He jumped up and whipped around. His mother Goldenflower stood before him. They were in StarClan, standing in a calm clearing. Goldenflower purred and licked her son's forehead.

"We need to talk." The she-cat said, darting her amber eyes around the starry forest.

Quickly, the old queen led the tabby into a sandy hollow. Bramblestar had to run to keep up with her."You know, Brambly, I'm both proud and disappointed." She clawed her way down into hollow.

Bramblestar followed her still. "Why?"

"I always knew you'd be leader someday. You have ambition like your father."

"But I'd never try to take over the four Clans!" The tabby mewed.

Goldenflower sighed in relief as she sat down on the sandy earth. "Good. I don't see why have two hundreds cats under your paw does any good. Like, Tigerstar would have starved them. Then they'd eat him or they would all get sick..."

"I know right? It makes no sense at all! There is like no point. All of the cats would have been spread out anyway. Tigerstar was so froggin' stupid."

"That he was, Brambly." His mother agreed. "He was so stupid he didn't realize that Longtail is your real father."

"Wait... what?!"

"Hm? I didn't say anything."

An awkward silence hung in the air. Luckily, their conversation was muffled by the sand and their words didn't travel through the starry territories.

"Well, anyway, I have a message for you."

Bramblestar sighed bitterly. "It's about my son?"

"Yes." The amber queen nodded. "Handsomepaw has a power like no other. He gets a queen full of kits by only brushing against their pelt. Also, you must review his mother."

Goldenflower rasped her tongue over his shoulder before the starry world became warped as he awoken. Blinking his amber eyes, he saw Squirrelflight standing over him.

"You slept like a rock! I've already sent out border patrols, hunting patrols, and cleaning patrols. There's a bunch of Ferncloud kits wandering the forest and by the lake..." The talkative ginger talked on and on and never shutted up.

Bramblestar wondered what his mother meant... He had to 'review' Handsomepaw's mother. He looked up at his mate. A glint of uncertainty was in her wide green eyes.

* * *

_A/N: Oh my god! stop flaming this stpry! my god, get a life you stupd flmmers!_

_Just kidding. Heh, wasn't that how Obsidianwing and Darkrose would have said that?_

_Thanks for the flaaaaame! And everyone/anyone has permission to do a commentary. Just let me know so I can read it._


	8. Not Again!

Chapter Eight of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction"Tom"

* * *

Handsomepaw and his mentor, Lionblaze, were patrolling the WindClan border with Cherrypaw and Foxleap. The moorland breeze buffeted his golden fur from behind the tree line. The sweet scent of blooming heather and gorse hung in the gusts of the wind.

"I think a rabbit-chaser crossed the border." Lionblaze growled, flexing his claws as he caught the scent of a WindClan tom. If it was Crowfeather, he'd rip him to shreds.

Foxleap and Lionblaze padded through the brush to find the trespasser. Handsomepaw grinned. He turned to Cherrypaw.

"Hey, girl." He meowed hotly.

"Hiiii..." She whispered happily, feeling flustered under his cyan gaze.

Ferncloud turned the radio on up to where the speakers were blaring. The music blasted through ThunderClan's territory like a pack of Twoleg monsters. Handsomepaw bobbed his head to the beat.

Cherrypaw blushed, catching herself staring at his flank.

"Wanna twerk?" He asked loudly, meowing over the music.

"Yeah!" Cherrypaw abandoned her shyness and let herself dance like crazy, throwing her paws up in the air and waving as if she just had not cared.

Lionblaze and Foxleap came back and stared wide-eyed at the twerking apprentices. Handsompaw bumped Cherrypaw with his flank. A blue spark flew from where their pelts touched. Lionblaze blinked. What_ was_ that?

Cherrypaw yowled in pain as the song ended. A beam of ginger kits blasted from her belly and pelted Lionblaze in the gut. Because he was invincible, he didn't die from the overpowering kit laser, but he passed out from the pain. Have you ever been blasted a firin' kit laser? It hurts! I would know... wut.

Foxleap ducked under the beam of ever-shooting kits that came from Cherrypaw. He rushed over to his apprentice's side. He bit his lip wondering what he could do.

Handsomepaw then padded over to them. He brushed his pelt against Foxleap. Suddenly Foxleap cringed, his belly round.

Bramblestar heard them. He GASPED as he ran towards them. Goldenflower was right! Handsomepaw had a power that made she-cats pregnant by just the touch of his pelt. But he must be getting stronger! Cherrypaw was still shooting kits out of her belly like a Nerf Rapid Fire! And now Foxleap, a tom, was going to have Handsomepaw's kits as well! Foxleap always was a bit she-catty...

"Bramblestar!" Squirrelflight suddenly ran up to the cats that were gasping, dying, shooting kits, and cringing. "Handsomepaw isn't our son."

The dark tabby turned around to face his mate. Her eyes were serious. He wailed and pounded his paws into the earth. "Not again!"


	9. Leafpool's Third Son

Chapter Nine of a blah.

* * *

Bramblestar paced his den. His broad shoulders were hunched and his tail was lashing His mate-and-deputy sat at the entrance with her head hung.

"How could you do this to me twice?" He growled, shaking his head. "Let me guess, you're covering for Leafpool again!"

"Yes. Handsomepaw is Leafpool's son." Squirrelflight confirmed.

Bramblestar whipped around to face her. "But why? She is a warrior now. She's no longer a medicine cat!"

The dark ginger sighed, her green eyes tearing up. "It's not because of her rank that I did this for her again. It's because of who Leafpool took on as a mate."

"Well, who is it?" He demanded.

"Jayfeather."


	10. Ceremony!

Chapter Ten of a verygarystufanfictiontitled "Tom"

* * *

Jayfeather sniffed the herbs and berries carefully. It had been getting hot and dry and he wanted to be sure he had fresh herbs to use. He gingerly picked out scraps of moldy leaves and old, dried up berries.

He prodded the herbs, looking for borage. The blind tom had been using up a lot of borage for the she-cats lately.

"Hey, Jay!" A loud voice said in his ear. It was both happy and grumpy.

But the voice made _him _grumpy. "What Lionblaze?"

He heard his brother shuffle towards him. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Chicken butt!"

...

"Handsomepaw has passed his assessments. He's out of my fur." Lionblaze reported happily.

Jayfeather looked up at him with closed eyes. His son? A warrior already. The two moons went by fast.

"All ThunderClan cats old enough to catch their own prey must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan Meeting." Bramblestar yowled.

Lionblaze smiled and padded out of the den. Jayfeather sighed. Did Bramblestar have to disturb this tedious task? He padded out after his brother into the warm sun.

Bramblestar glared down at Handsomepaw. He seemed to never get any of his own kits. But apparently he was ready to become a warrior, so he performed the ceremony anyway.

"I, Bramblestar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn.

"Handsomepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"No."

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as-"

Suddenly Ashfur fell from the sky and began attacking Hansomepaw because he was Squirrelflight's kit!

Only Jayfeather, Squirrelflight, Bramblestar, and Leafpool knew that Handsomepaw's parents were't the leader and deputy, so they let Ashfur attack the apprentice.

With one swipe, Handsomepaw killed Ashfur. He was dead forever.

"As I was saying," Bramblestar growled watching the starry cat fade. "Before I was RUDELY interrupted, Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as-"

Chapter End.

* * *

_What will his name be and what virtues will be named?_

_Handsomeheart? Handsomefur? Handsomegleam?_

_Awesomeness? Skill in Twerking? Handsomeness? Strength?_


	11. Handsomehandsomehandsomehandsomehandsome

Chapter Elevan of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"

* * *

"Handsomepaw, from this moment you will be known as Handsomehandsome. StarClan honors your honesty and loyalty... Er..." Bramblestar quickly renamed the virtues, for Handsomehandsome was neither honest nor loyal. "StarClan honors your strength in battle and smexiness and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."

Bramblestar rested his chin on Handsomehandsome's head, feeling hatred for this tom. He wasn't his son. Squirrelflight had once again lied to him. But, how could he blame this kit for something he didn't do? He didn't ask to be born to an incestious she-cat and medicine cat.

Handsomehandsome felt an odd emotion stirring in his chest. He first felt it when his father rested his chin on his head, ending the ceremony. It was... The emotion of... sadness? Guilt? He felt sad. He was sad that he never got to spend time with his father. It was a very odd feeling.

He licked the leader's shoulder. Finally, the Clan cheered and congratulated the new warrior. "HANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOME!"

StarClan flickered in the broad light of day because ThunderClan screamed his name so loud that they woke up the warrior ancestors.

Bramblestar gasped and fell over, rolling over the edge of the Highledge and falling down to the stony earth with a thud. The Clan gasped.


	12. Vigil

Chapter Twelve. Time for a random fact(s)!

_Did you know that...?_

_Today is August 24rd, 2014._

_Now you know._

_Did you know that...?_

_August 24rd, 1305 is when Sir William Wallace was executed for high treason at Smithfield in London._

_Now you know._

* * *

Bramblestar's back was slightly arched, his legs crossed as if he were running. His tail was limp and his breathing was gone. There wasn't even a twitch of a whisker.

"Br-Bramblestar!" Squirrelflight was the first to react to the leader's fall from the Highledge.

She nudged through her Clanmates and bent over the tabby, pushing her nose into his fur. The Clan stared in shock. What had happened. Jayfeather pushed his way through and knelt down by his foster father.

Handsomehandsome looked down. His father was still and his mother was whimpering. ThunderClan was too surprised to move. He leapt down by the medicine cat and touched a paw to Bramblestar's shoulder.

The tabby was slowing losing warmth. The golden-blue tom looked at Jayfeather. The white tom's blue eyes were swirling with an odd pattern.

Jayfeather suddenly sat up and addressed the Clan. "Bramblestar has died."

They all gasped, but still did not move. Squirrelflight whipped around and snarled at Jayfeather.

"He's been leader for only almost two moons. He will come back to life!" She said harshly.

Jayfeather shook his head. "Firestar did not retire at the Moonpool. Bramblestar had only recieved the three of the nine lives."

"B-but, he has three, how can he be dead?"

Jayfeather shook his head. He knew so much, but revealed so little.

Handsomehandsome stared down at his father. He pressed his blue nose into the dark brown fur.

"You have been a wonderful father." He murmured, forcing himself to silence a cry of grief.

Squirrelflight and Jayfeather turned on their paws and stared at the young golden tom in surprsie.

Slowly, the Clan moved forward to share tongues with Bramblestar for the last time.

Lionblaze sighed and flicked his tail over the tabby's head. "You were never my real father, Bramblestar. But in my heart you are the most true and real father in all the Clans." He turned away and ran to his nest in the warrior's den. He could be heard whimpering into his paws.

Ferncloud padded forward, her dappled pelt hanging limply off her shoulders. "I always knew you would make a fine leader ever since you were born." The queen nodded to the tabby before returning to the nursery to tend to Foxleap.

Mousefur came to the tabby body next. She pressed her muzzle to his shoulder. "You were always a bit ambitious, you rat-tail. But... You have made even an elder like me respect you." She was then reluctantly led away by Purdy back to their den.

Berrynose rested a paw on his mentor's flank. "Aw, Bramblestar. Why'd you have to leave so soon?" He shook his head.

"I am glad you and Firestar took me and my kits into ThunderClan." Daisy said, resting her tail on Berrynose. "I will never forget your generosity."

Daisy pulled Berrynose away to let the rest of the Clan speak their parting words with Bramblestar.

Squirrelflight took her place ontop of the Highledge. She looked down at her Clan that was shocked and grieving. Slowly, they lifted their heads to look at the ginger deputy. It was time for her to appoint a cat in her place.

"I say these words before StarClan so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of ThunderClan is Birchfall." She meowed, looking over at the light brown tabby tom.

"Thank you, Squirrelstar. I will honor this new position well." Birchfall nodded.

"I am not Squirrelstar yet." Squirrelflight shook her head, jumping back down to the body of Bramblestar.

Slowly, the sun set, and the Clan had paid their respects. Squirrelflight chose to make Handsomehandsome's vigil also count for the vigil for Bramblestar. He, his mother, Lionblaze, Berrynose, and Birchfall sat down by the tabby's body, pressing their noses into his striped fur.

And then a whisper, faint and soft, rang through the camp. "You are my father, Bramblestar. Welcome to StarClan."


	13. Nine Lives

**Chapter Thirteen of a very, very, Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

Handsomehandsome blinked open his glowing cyan-colored eyes. He had fallen asleep sitting vigil for his warrior ceremony and the honoring of his dead father and leader, Bramblestar.

Purdy, Mousefur, and with the help of Sandstorm, they take the body out of camp to be buried. The newly named warrior watches as his father is dragged away. He swipes a blue paw over his nose and shakes his head clear.

"I am going to the Moonpool." Squirrelflight said, casting a sad glance at her son. "Jayfeather! It is time for me to recieve my nine lives."

With that, the ginger and the tabby padded out of camp. Handsomehandsome shook his pelt. He remembered how such a long time ago when he was a kit he had had so much fun defeating enemies in their own territories. And when he was an apprentice, how much fun he had jerking off when his mentor wasn't looking.

But he was a warrior now. He needed to do his best to serve ThunderClan. What better than to settle down with a mate?

Calling over the new deputy, he asked if a Clan Meeting could be called.

"Every cat in ThunderClan must gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan Meeting!" Birchfall yowled, feeling a bit nervous since he was the deputy and not the leader.

"What do ya want, flea-bag? You ain't the leader yet." Mousefur growled grumpily as she stalked back into camp with Purdy.

"You aren't leader." Lionblaze scoffed, jealous that Squirrelflight had chosen Birchfall as deputy.

Spiderleg hopped around on his eight spider legs taunting his brother. "Birchy isn't leader! Birchy isn't leader!"

"Well until Squirrelstar comes back from the Moonpool, I'm in charge!" He hissed, lashing his tabby pelt. "Handsomehandsome has shared urgent knews with me that every cat must hear immediatly!"

The Clan gasped an came to gather beneath Birchfall and the new warrior.

* * *

_At the Moonpool..._

Squirrelflight padded down into the misty hollow with Jayfeather. Her paws slipped into the worn grooves of the stone.

"Drink the water and dream with StarClan." The silver tabby mewed grumpily, staring at the she-cat with cold blind eyes.

Squirrelflight crouched down beside him. He darted his tongue into the starry water and slowly sunk down and fell into a deep rest. She looked down at the pool. Her reflection was rippling with stars, as if she was looking down at a StarClan copy of herself.

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her muzzle to the water and drank the Moonpool dry. She was very thirsty.

_"Welcome to StarClan, Squirrelflight." __A kind mew greeted her._

_She looked up and saw grandmother, Brindleface. She had never met the queen herself, but Ferncloud and Sandstorm had often described her, saying that she got her dark pelt from her._

_"Are you ready to recieve your nine lives?" The queen tilted her head, purring.  
_

_"I am." Squirrelflight nodded nervously._

_The first starry cat padded forward. It was Bluestar, the leader who ruled ThunderClan before her father. The blue-gray she-cat rested her chin on her head for a moment, looking coldly into Squirrelflight's pathetic soul. "With this life, I give you the gift of concealance. We both had a terrible secret regarding our kits, and we both could have kept our secrets a little more secretive."_

_Squirrelflight's fur shot up in a bristle. The new life had given her jolt._

_The second cat came forward. "With this life, I give you bad breath. You use it to kill friend or foe." The pale colored tom meowed, his baneful eyes staring into her green eyes. It was Maggottail, one of the leaders of the Dark Forest, who had somehow crossed into StarClan to give her a life. His bad breath was enough pain for her. He dipped his head and disappeared into the stars._

_The third cat was a kitten, blue-gray with bright eyes. She was Bluekit, the reincarnation of Bluestar. "With this life," she mewed in a shrilly voice, "I give you pity. Use it to act pitiful to make the other cats of the Clans give into your desperation." Squirrelflight was rocked with a painful seering on her chest as if a pair of claws dug into her fur._

_"With this life I give you hatred." Hollyleaf laughed maniacally. She lowered her muzzle into the she-cats ear and whispered, "when you and Leafpool die and come into StarClan I will murder you and send you to the Place of No Stars for breaking the code."_

_"I didn't brake the code!" Squirrelflight trembled._

_"That tabby did and you covered for her!" The black cat hissed. "Anyway, use it for strength as hatred triumphs all."_

_Hollyleaf disappeared, leaving a mysterious black shadow racing across the starry sky. Squirrelflight felt immense sadness in her heart. She knew that feeling already. She wished Hollyleaf had truly been her daughter._

_"With this life, I give you pain." A random ginger cactus said. "Inflict it on others wisely." He touched his needly paw on her shoulder, driving the cactus needles into her organs. Squirrelflight couldn't move as she was skewered by Cactusfoot._

_The sixth cat came forward, her brown tabby pelt gleaming. Her blue eyes were shining like leaf-bare frost. It was Honeyfern, her Clanmate who had died too soon. "With this life, I give you back-stabbing. Use it like Poppyfrost had and steal mates, and kits, and prey, and life, and and and!"_

_Honeyfern began thrashing around screaming shrilly words about Poppyfrost and Berrynose. Squirrelflight's ears seemed to be punctured by her screeches. She was glad it was over by the time Honeyfern had crawled back into the starry sky._

_"With this life, I give you bravery. Use it to serve your Clan well." A pale kit mewed. She had a snub nose and a broad, flat face. Her amber eyes were wide-set and the long fur on her pelt was still fuzzy._

_Squirrelflight purred as a tickly feeling pricked at her paws. It quickly escallated to firy burning throughout her body. She was gasping as the seventh life settle into her body._

_"With this life, I give you love." Tallstar meowed, resting his chin on her head. He had been in love with Jake and acted as if Firestar was his own son. It felt as if little Squirrelflight were his own granddaughter. "Use this life to love any cat."_

_Then the last cat came forward. His dark blue eyes were cold. His thick ashy fur was bristling. His lips were curled into a snarl. It was Ashfur._

_"With this life, I give you revenge!" He yowled, foam dripping from his jaws.  
_

_Squirrelflight ducked down as he lunged at her. How did Ashfur come back to life? Handsomehandsome had killed him during his warrior ceremony!_

_"Use it to destroy those who break your heart!" He hissed, swiping his claws at her._

_"Squirrelstar! Squirrelstar!" StarClan cheered, watching the battle between Ashfur and the new leader commence._

_"I bet five mousetails Ashfur kills two lives." Yellowfang whispered to Jayfeather._

_"You're on, flea-bag."_


	14. The Scoreboard

Chapter Fourteen of "Tom"

* * *

Birchfall and Handsomehandsome sat on the Highledge, looking down at the Clan. Even the kits had come out for the Meeting. The ThunderClan cats waited patiently for the deputy's news.

"Um. Well, Handsomehandsome has requested a Meeting for uh..." The brown tabby looked over at him. "Umm..."

"Yo! Let the tom speak!" One of the cats shouted.

"Yeah, ya imbasil!"

The cats began throwing cups and tomatoes at Birchfall who was the worst public speaker ever. Handsomehandsome sighed and put his paw up.

"Stop it, please." He asked them in his handsome voice.

Immediately, they calmed back down.

"Well," The golden-blue tom began to think. "I've decided I need to settle down with a mate. If you want to be my wife, then please make a line from the Highledge."

The cats who were in love with Handsomehandsome made a neat line under the Highledge while the rest of the Clan hung back to watch.

He leapt back down and began to examine each of his candidates. First in line was Cinderheart.

"Let's see..." He lifted up her paw and checked her whiskers. She had quite the nice pelt and she always did have the prettiest blue eyes. Plus, she was a good kisser. Lionblaze growled from afar. Cinderheart was _his _mate, not that cockatoo's.

The second in line was Dovewing, who was round with Tigerheart's kits. He immediately rejected her. So far it's 1 for maybe and 1 for no. Plus, Dovewing had blue eyes which had been colored rainbow in Dovewing's Silence and made her look like a Angelkit and Starkit. So she was a no as well.

"Score is 1 to 2, who is gonna win?" The MC shouted. "Will Handsomehandsome be picky and rule out more than half the line, or will he fall in love with nearly all of ThunderClan?!"

"Calm down, Berrynose." Cloudtail hissed.

The third in line was Brightheart. Handsomehandsome shook his head. She hung her head and walked back to the nursery with a drooping tail.

"And it's 1 maybe and 3 nos!"

"SHUT up, Berrynose." Cloudtail cuffed him over the head.

The fourth was Foxleap. Handsomehandsome put a paw on his round belly. He was going to kit soon. He examined his reddish brown striped fur. Foxleap certainly one cute tom. He nodded. The score was 2 to 3.

**The Score Board**  
**6 to 10**

Maybe  
1)_ Cinderheart_  
2)_ Foxleap_  
3)_ Gaystripe_  
4)_ Sorreltail_  
5)_ Obsidianwing_  
6)_ Ferncloud_

No  
1)_ Dovewing_  
2)_ Brightheart_  
3)_ Purdy_  
4)_ Leafpool_  
5)_ Lilykit_  
6)_ Dewkit_  
7)_ Rosepetal_  
8)_ Spiderleg_  
9)_ Blossomfall_  
10)_ Briarlight_

* * *

A/N: _Will there be any late entries? Who will move from the No to the Maybe? Will Handsomehandsome pick just one? Will he cheat on them? Will there be kits?_


	15. Kawaii!

**Chapter Fifteen of a very, very Gary-Stu fanfiction titled "Tom"**

* * *

"Any late entries?" Birchfall asked, looking around the camp.

Sandstorm raised her paw. She had been burying Bramblestar and then she had went off to do some hunting.

"Okay, we have a late entry. Will Sandstorm be a no or maybe?" The MC Berrynose whispered into his microphone, raising a brow.

Suddenly, a purple portal opened up in camp, almost swallowing up the cream-colored tom. A small purple she-cat came out. She had a 'star-shaped' mark on her head. One of her eyes were molting orange and the other was rainbow. It was... Starkit! Or was it Starpaw? Was her name Stargleam? Or Starstar? Was she still Gleamstar? We'll call her Gleamstar!

Gleamstar threw up her head and smiled. "I would like to enter this beauty contest! I am the most mary-sue she-cat in the fandom! And Handhandsome is the most gary-stu. I should obviously be his mate."

Handsomehandsome put Sandstorm on the No list and Gleamstar on the Maybe.

* * *

_At the Moonpool..._

Jayfeather was smilling in a bitter way when he woke up. All of the medicine cats had gathered up some mousetails and were betting on who would win the battle between Ashfur and Squirrelstar.

Eventually, Squirrelstar was able to slash Ashfur's throat and make him bleed glittery stars out of his neck. She had won the battle and Jayfeather had won the bet.

Jayfeather was rich now. He was the only one that said Squirrelstar would win. He currently had three hundred mousetails because all of the StarClan medicine cats were losers.

Yellowfang had bet five.  
Sedgewhisker had bet twenty.  
Molepelt bet one hundred.  
Echosong bet fifty.  
Spottedleaf didn't bet at all 'because Squirrelstar is like my own daughter'  
Featherwhisker bet fifty.  
Mothflight bet twenty.  
Barkface bet his whole set of whiskers.  
Cinderpelt put in the rest, fifty-five.

Now he was rich!

"Okay, let's get back to camp." He mewed grouchily, trying to hide his emotions like always.

Squirrelstar yawned and sat up. She shook her tattered pelt and glared at the tabby. "Why don't we talk first? About Handsomehandsome."

"Fine." Jayfeather muttered, glad she wasn't mad at him for the betting he was doing while they were in StarClan .He sighed. "He's my son. He's my brother. What else do you want me to say? Thanks? Well thanks Squirrelstar for covering for me."

She felt her fur begin to bristle. "Why I outta- Hey, is that regret I see on your lip leftover from supper?"

"No!" He swiped a paw over his nose.

"Ha!" Squirrelstar smirked. "All you have to do is tell the Clan."

"Me? Tell the Clan?" Jayfeather stuttered, narrowing his blind eyes at her. "I'd lose my rank!"

"Oh, so you like being a medicine cat?"

"No!"

"..."

"..."

"Well I'm leader now. I won't let that happen." She sighed.

"What would Handsomehandsome think? What will the Clan think?"

"They'll understand why he's so cruel."

"I'm not cruel."

"Hmph." Squirrelstar padded out of the hollow.

Jayfeather tilted his head and thought to himself. Was he cruel? No. He just had the power to do a lot of things like see other cat's dreams and use a stick to travel back in time. He wasn't cruel! Just gifted and a little cranky.

Suddenly Jayfeather gasped. He fell down, hitting the stone with a thump. Squirrelstar ran over to him. She was no medicine cat. And she didn't know what to do.

_"Jay's Wing!" Half Moon yowled into the silvery tom's ear. "Jay's Wing!"_

_Jay's Wing blinked his eyes open. The small white she-cat was nudging him awake._

_"Jay's Wing, I think I heard something."_

_Jayfeather had not come back to the Ancients for awhile. Since before Handsomehandsome was born. He and Half Moon had run away to this nifty place with a river, marsh, moorland, and woods. Rock was all like 'you can never be together!' so they left and found their way to this foresty territory._

_Half Moon and Jay's Wing were sleeping in a deep-set den shrouded in ferns. Half Moon's dark green eyes were wide with worry. He heaved himself up and padded out of the den. He took in a deep whiff of the forest scent. Clumps of thorny bracken were by the den and growing at the edges of the clearing. It looked as if they were growing into walls. A__ small stream cut through and flowed around the rocks, slowly carving into a big rock covered in lichen._

_Jay's Wing perked his ears. It did sound as if something were disturbing the forest._

_"Help!" A distant cry shouted. "Help!"_

_The twosome sprinted towards the source. A large wide river crashed around. A small kit was clinging onto a slippery rock. His big cyan eyes were wide with fear._

_Half Moon gasped. "We must save him!"_

_She ran down the bank and leaned down on her haunches, ready to spring into the rushing water. Jay's Wing jumped towards the kit into the dark water. Then the she-cat followed. Surprisingly, they were standing on top of flat smooth rocks. If the river was lower they'd be good for sunning._

_Jay's Wing carefully stepped on each stone. The poor kit was on the farthest rock in a deeper part of the river._

_Finally, he bent over and picked the kit up by the scruff. They brought the kit back to the den._

_"What is your name, young one?" Half Moon asked the golden-pelted kit._

_"H-Handsome F-face," He said, shivering._

_Half Moon licked the young kit dry. Handsome Face purred. Jay's Wing couldn't help but feel jealous._

_"Are you okay, Jay's Wing?" She asked, looking up at him._

_He fell over._

"Are you okay, Jayfeather?" Squirrelstar asked, looking down at him.

* * *

Gleamstar was running around camp. She bumped into Gaystripe. "You want to be my mate? That's so nice!" She squealed, looking so kawaii~

"No, please, not again." Gaystripe whispered, his yellow eyes wide in horror.

Then Brackenfur summoned some courage and tapped her beautiful shoulder. "Excuse me, Gleamstar."

"Oh my god!" She screeched. "Are you mole straeping me?!"

"N-no!" The tabby stammered. "I-I uh!"

Handsomehandsome shook his head and led Gleamstar away. "You're so kawaii." He stated.

"Yeahhhh! I am!" She giggled, molting orange/rainbow eyes gleaming like stars.

Handsomehandsome was considering this wonderful she-cat to be his mate. But then, Obsidianwing appeared! Like Gleamstar, she was on the maybe list. She was so jealous of Gleamstar! She wanted to be Handsomehandsome's wife!

"Kawaii!" Gleamstar yowled as the other mary-sue scraped her claws into her flank.


	16. Handsomehandsomehandsomehandsome 2

**Chapter Sixteen... Time for a random quote.**

**"Walk two moons in someone else's paws, and you'll probably become a mary-stu." -Sivillian**

* * *

"Hello, Squirrelflight." Rowanstar mewed menacingly in his squeally voice. "Where is Bramblestar?"

"I am Squirrelstar now. Bramblestar is dead." She announced.

The cats gasped. They looked up at the ginger. It was barely a season that Bramblestar ruled ThunderClan. Was Squirrelflight truly leader now.

"May he rest well in StarClan." Onestar nodded.

"Thank you." Squirrelstar sat on one of the thick branches by Mistystar on the tree.

She looked down at all of the Clan cats. She was high up above the dozens of felines, but she wasn't nervous a bit.

"Well now that that is out of the way, let the Gathering begin!" Mistystar announced. "This green-leaf has been kind to RiverClan. We have three new warriors that nobody cares about, and we have one new apprentcie here with us tonight that is probably invisible right now."

"Yaaaaay." The Clans cheered unenthusiastically.

Onestar cleared his throat, and began to teeter on his branch. "Whooa!" He dug his claws into the tree and pressed his tail against the trunk. "Curse my only whisker!"

Lionblaze laughed loudly.

"Hmph." Onestar regained balance and began the report. "WindClan is fairing well. Crowfeather has taken on a new mate."

"BOOO!" The Clans hissed.

A certain dark gray tom ducked his head and fled the island.

"His new mate is Snowbird of ShadowClan. Their kits will be born in a moon."

"Let's claw his entrails out, and hang 'em on the tree!" Some cat shouted.

"Kill the kits! They might be mary-and-gary-stus as well!" A RiverClanner yowled.

"Why don't we all become his mates, eh?" Another warrior growled angrily.

"I love you Crowfeather!" An apprentice squeaked.

And that night, an apprentice died. And StarClan did not give a dirt, for that apprentice favored Crowfeather.

Rowanstar rolled his eyes. "ShadowClan is, like, totally doin' not... so... well. We're, like, down to, like, five cats. Me, and Tawnypelt, Ferretclaw, Medicinecat, Snowbird, who is more pregnant than a spider in new-leaf, and that one ShadowClan cat that is black and always gets killed in, like, every border skirmish."

Some of the cats shook their heads and wished Blackstar was still around. Blackstar was much more macho than Rowanstar.

The dark brown tom then finished his report. "I also think that I'm half she-cat. Ya know, since the start of the second arc, like, I noticed weird changes in my bod."

There was an awkward silence.

Squirrelstar was the last to give her Clan's report. "As you can see, Bramblestar is dead. May he rest in StarClan."

The Clans murmured their agreements.

"This green-leaf we've had more than five thousand kits, thanks to Ferncloud. One of those kits though, I had kitted myself. In only a short time, he was apprenticed, and then three days later he became a warrior, right before Bramblestar died. Handsomehandsome."

The golden tom raised his head proudly. His blue ears and muzzle shined like water in the moonlight. His glossy pelt looked even glossier among the dull Clan cats.

They all gasped. "_**HANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOMEHANDSOME!**_" They cheered.

And then, Birchfall sighed. Another game of No or Maybe was probably going to start soon.


	17. Hell to the No, Willowshine

**Cadasowk**

Birchfall felt sad since Squirrelstar hadn't announced that he was deputy in front of millions of cats. Nonetheless, he organized the Clans on the island for a new round of No or Maybe. In fact, every cat of the lake came. Kits, elders, those barn cats, and that weird thing that lives in the tunnels.

"Okay, if you are in love with Handsomehandsome, please stand on this side of the island." The brown tabby instructed, pointing a paw to the right side of the Great Oak. "Handsomehandsome will paw-pick if you are a potential candidate on the Maybe list, or if you are a loser on the No list."

The golden-blue tom sat at the base of the tree. His cyan eyes glowed like the sun in the dark light of night. Many of the Clan cats were in love with this young tom. Many of them decided to see if they would be a potential wife for Handsomehandsome.

"Let's see who we have here." He meowed, padding to the front of the line.

The first cat was a small brown RiverClan she-cat. Copperpaw. Copperpaw's eyes were wide with nervousness.

"Nice pelt. Healthy eyes." Handsomehandsome nodded. "But unfortunately, the entire fandom hates you because they thought Darkroses made you up in the allegiances of Starkit's Prophecy. So you're a no, Copperpaw. That goes for you too Sneezepaw!" The warrior pointed at the end of the line where Sneezepaw stood. "For the same reasons."

Both RiverClan apprentices cried a river a tears as they ran away, shamed for being rejected by the most handsome cat in the world.

"Nightcloud?" Handsomehandsome choked for the black she-cat was second in line. "L.O.L. No."

The dark queen narrowed her eyes and backed away slowly into the night.

And because the author is too lazy to write the interactions between Handsomehandsome and the hopelessly in love cats, Birchfall presents the list of No and Maybes from the other Clans

Maybe

Rowanstar

Onestar

Mistystar

Reedwhisker

Icewing

Tigerheart

Dawnsparkle

Flametail

Swallowtail

Mothwing

Smoky

Tallpoppy

Breezepelt

Guestpersonanonymous

No

Heavystep

Nightcloud

Mapleshade

Copperpaw

Sneezepaw

Poopypaw

Webfoot

Tornear

Sunstrike

Ratscar

Snowbird

Helllllll to the No

Willowshine


	18. Trollface

Handsomehandsome gives you a trollface.

"Next chapter soon." He meows.


	19. Handsomehandsome Chooses His Wife!

"It's our Clan cat God!" The cats screamed, pointing their paws at the stars.

A heavenly being padded down from the sky, her descent slow and dramatic. The beautiful Goddess dazzled the Clans.

Even Handsomehandsome was dazzled by her.

"Greetings, cats. I am your ruler now."

"Yes, fair Goddess!" The cats all bowed down.

"You may call me Kim Kardashian." She said, brushing her black hair over her shoulder.

"Yes!" Handsomehandsome's eyes widened. "This is my wife!"


	20. Give Handsomehandsome thee Bird

Handsomehandsome picks up a book. Handsomehandsome gives you the book.

"Re-read that last nineteen chapters." He meows. "Next chapter is coming to webpages near you soon."


	21. Concurrence

Chapter 21 of blah.

* * *

"I feel as if we are being controlled..." A blue cat meowed tartly to her bracken-colored companion.

"Yes," the other cat agreed. "It is as if we shall not exist unless a greater force, larger than StarClan, lets it be so."

"I concur..."


End file.
